September 15, 2008

I Am the Light of the World

I had an intense week of grievance and upheaval in my mind. Some teacher really got to me, teaching all week long and using all the right words, but what an attitude! It made me FEEL everything I do is shit, and I should read more in the Course, watch more Master Teacher videos, do this, do that and on and on. Or maybe better that I am nothing but shit. And he is right, but what does that help me? I did not want to listen to him anymore. I got into this paranoid fear of being up against everything, and each and everyone and everything against me. Seeking for allies and friends that would share my perspective and experience, all the while feeding my perception of a schism between those with and those objecting to the teacher, seeing only two categories in my mind: friend and enemy, and I split in between with no means to solve this conflict. Who is the hero in all this? Who is the hero of my dream? Oh, it couldn't be me, could it?

Abstraction of Rage


I did not run away, though I kept my distance. I practiced the lessons of the Course like a madman. "I am the light of the world." "I need do nothing." "I am not separate from God." I had to, otherwise I would either give into what seemed complete insanity to me, or I accumulate more and more grievance and rage. And I have to give, I have to love, I have to extend to everyone and everything. Otherwise I am nothing. And loving is entirely possible, it just takes willingness. I don't know how, I feel totally justified in my rage, but I am willing to love, because only that can offer me an experience of love. I stood still. I went for a walk and talked with a great friend. And I had a talk with two friends I thought would be on the other side. I had a straight talk, plain honest and simple, and suddenly there is the light. I don't compare myself. I just ask for how things are for me. I don't need to judge when I turn to the light and, in fact, I have to suspend judging in order to turn to the light. I am NOT the author of reality. I need to be shown, so I look for help and certainty in God. And there is all the help. I am so grateful. What a good conflict can be used for. Amazing.

So what can I say? I could care less what anyone says, I have to remember always, I am not separate from God. I am the light of the world. There is nothing outside of my mind. Let it all break loose, and in my non-defense, taking responsibility as the light of the world, I experience a freedom and joy that is truly MINE forever, and that no man and nothing can take away from me. How awesome it is to be inspired and infused by the light of God, by this ever gentle but certain light that is in each of us to guide us and to call us home to God.

"How are things for me?" "How is this for me?" "How is that really?" Instead of relying on what someone else has to say, I turn inside, and THERE I find certainty and release, and possibilities to give and love, to stay and extend peace of mind. That is what I want, and I am sooooooo grateful to have found this, miraculously, by not running away from conflict, but by looking towards the solution and only option I have which is that I am whole and perfect as God created me. I can't believe it. It is so good.

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7 comments:

Erika said...

Congrats, Alban, on staying with it and finding the light even though you felt discomfort. Not always easy to do and definitely inspires me. Thank you.

Brother Gi said...

What a wonderful insight you have come to, that it is not what other people think of you that matters, but what you think of yourself.

Remember always that A Course In Miracles teaches that the separation from God never occurred. You cannot be "shit" because you are the Son of God Himself, and that has never changed.

Unlike other spiritual systems that teach us that we are guilty and sinned, ACIM teaches exactly the opposite - that we are perfectly innocent and one with God.

If you therefore have a teacher that is trying to teach you that you are "shit", I suggest you pack your bags and head off as quickly as you can, for that teacher surely understands nothing of A Course In Miracles.

Remember always that A Course In Miracles is a self study course. There is only one Teacher of A Course In Miracles, and that is the Holy Spirit. When ACIM refers to us as "teachers" it means only in our capacity to forgive our brothers, not to try and control them or make them wrong for anything.

The world does not need another personality cult. It needs people to stand purely with The Holy Spirit as their only guide and master. We have listened to other people's nonsense for too long.

Peace, Brother.

Alban, Teacher of God said...

@ Erika: What comes from a real experience is always inspiring. Everything gets used, and only to our benefit. Thank you.

@ Brother Gi: I don't know if you know of Endeavor Academy. It is an academy for teachers. It came about because one guy, later called Master Teacher, had a final death and awakening experience that let him realize with complete certainty that there is no world, and that every human being is a whole part of Singular Reality and knows that this is so.

Without Master Teacher I would not be where I am now, and I still, and maybe more and more so than before, am connected with him. Without him there would be no Endeavor Academy. He taught this in body form till this year day in day out. In May he left his body.

Of course it is a challenge for anyone to see his Master leave his body, contrary to what one might think how leaving this world should look like. Also having no longer available an "external" source of constant and powerful inspiration and light energy is quite a change, if you relied on it for many years. So you can imagine that the Academy is undergoing some changes.

Since then we have different teachers getting the chance to express what is true for them, usually from day to day a different one. It is understood that everyone teaches only himself, but of course, no one can circumvent or escape his own mind. So you will inevitably find expressions that are not true all the way. Since we are not perfect, we all make mistakes. I love it, because it is my conversion. It is always my healing, although I forget that all the time. It is still always me.

We are not free from things like idolization or hierarchy. Then, when a teacher who seems to be on a higher or more advanced level is giving a session which is not totally aligned with truth, it may stir up some commotion. That is what happened this week.

I love the Academy, and there is no place in the world where I would rather be. It was the greatest gift for me to have found this. But no one knows what will happen from now on. Will it fail? The Master always said, it will. It is of no real concern, because it is my transformation. It is always my mind. I am so grateful. I am in transformation, and it can't be stopped.

Brother Gi said...

@ Teacher of God: Hi Alban. I must confess that I have heard only negative things about Endeavor Academy, and personally do not like that they've placed other texts along with A Course In Miracles in the edition that they publish.

If you say that you find peace and forgiveness there, however, then that is wonderful and a great blessing, and I am truly happy for you.

The Holy Spirit works with everyone, and there is no place where He cannot heal the mistaken thoughts that we have.

My concern was with the Master Teacher. Perhaps I shall have to take a look at some videos of his teaching myself. I have heard that he treated people quite disrespectfully when he was alive, while claiming to be enlightened.

If that where true then it would simply set a terrible example about A Course In Miracles, and I hardly think a person who truly realises the Love that ACIM speaks of could act that way, including referring to people as "shit".

Also, referring to yourself as "The Master Teacher" is a bit silly when A Course In Miracles clearly states that only The Holy Spirit is the Master Teacher within each of us.

ACIM also very clearly refers to itself as a "self study" course.

So you can understand my concern, that the Ego is once again pretending to be God through people who could so seriously misunderstand ACIM that they would refer to other people as "shit."

If you, however, use those illusions for forgiveness, as you've shown that you do, then all my concern falls away and I remember that only "God is."

Perhaps it is I who need to forgive these illusions of ego-teachers that I have projected ;)

In great Peace and Love,
Brother Gi

Alban, Teacher of God said...

Dear Brother Gi,

Thanks for being frank with me. I really appreciate this.

Regarding the publication of ACIM by Endeavor Academy, the Gospel of Matthew and John from the Aramaic Bible was included in a previous edition, but not anymore in our latest one. I liked it at the time, because I see no difference in the message of what Jesus taught 2000 years ago and what he teaches us in A Course In Miracles.

My experience with Endeavor Academy is indeed a great blessing to me. You are right, there is no place where the Holy Spirit does not work.

Regarding your concern with Master Teacher: Over the years in this seeming process of my transformation I came to realize more and more, and more and more these days that in him I was given a savior. From the beginning I knew that I have never met anyone like him. His authority was unmistakable. That is how it was for me. Never before and after did I meet a guy as passionate and alive, as clear and uncompromising, as giving and open, as flexible and humorous, as generous and loving as he was. It is hard to share this, because you can only experience that for yourself. While he was not fooled by anything, not willing to deviate from truth he was always in full service.

What you regard as disrespectful I have experienced myself. All I can say is that it helped me immensely, energetically, to let go, to get over myself, to look away from limited self to God. Of course I did not like it very much in the moment, but I was always grateful afterwards. He never held me to anything. He never saw me the way I saw myself. He looked through me. The next moment, the next day he did not remember what happened before. Also, I did not feel attacked by him in any regard. He loved and truly cared about me. I did not feel that he acted against something in me. He was like an energetic catalyst, as light does not conflict with darkness. He did not do that, and he must have had permission to do whatever he did, because I was there, determined to wake up from my limited self-identity. Every day he made himself available for many many years. Non stop. My words fail entirely to do him justice.

Where does ACIM refer to itself as a "self study" course? I do not know this phrase from the Course.

If the idea of God and Holy Spirit is true, then there can be nothing outside of you, and what you see as Master Teacher, could only be a reflection of yourself. So, either you see in him your own mistaken idea about yourself, or the Holy Spirit taking to you, offering you a better reflection. There can be no in between, and it is up to you to decide what you want to see. In that sense there is nothing wrong with someone being a Master Teacher, because that would have to be entirely possible, if the Holy Spirit is in you. The difficulty is always in the idea that it is outside of you, while it is not.

How did he get to be that way? How did he get to function as a clear and open channel of God, you may ask. Well, it would always be a miracle, wouldn't it? Finally, when there is no more separation in one's own mind, once you recognize yourself, you are the Holy Spirit and God and the Universe.

I hope this does not look like a defense of him. He does not need to be defended. I am truly grateful for all his service. If you saw him today, I don't know what you would do.

Brother Gi said...

Hi Alban,

Thank you for that heartfelt reply. I feel enriched by hearing the other side of the story. I can see that you found peace, love, and forgiveness there, and that is more than enough to remind me that "the creations of darkness do not exist."

Thank you for that. I also agree with you that the Holy Spirit, as well as our projections of the world, come from within us. Whatever I see then is simply my own projection of how I choose to see myself.

This is why I love conversing with people about ACIM online, because they keep reminding me to forgive, when I forget to do so.

When I referred to ACIM as "self study", I was thinking of the quote on www.acim.org that describes the Course as "a unique, universal, self-study spiritual thought system that teaches the way to Love and Inner Peace is through forgiveness."

However, after reading your message, I don't think that really matters. If someone finds it easier to learn forgiveness from the image of another teacher then that is perfect for them. We all have our own special form of the universal curriculum that works best for us.

Thanks again. I look forward to chatting more with you about these things.

If you know of any online resources where I can have a look at lessons by Charles Anderson, please let me know. If you don't mind I will refrain from referring to him as "Master Teacher" since he does not fill that role for me. Of course that doesn't mean that I don't Love and Forgive him as I do all my Brothers :)

In Peace,
Brother Gi

Alban, Teacher of God said...

Thank you Brother Gi,

the first address for the videos of Master Teacher would be the "Miracles Network". You will find the link on my sidebar under ACIM links.

Also, I thought to let you know that a friend of mine is coming to Cape Town in November to teach A Course In Miracles. Maybe you know already about it.