November 1, 2007

Trust and Self-confidence -- Listening to Jesus

Going out to teach A Course In Miracles is a way to give what I have been given. It is very fulfilling to give away something that is truly valuable. And what could be more valuable to you than the idea of being still whole and perfect as God created you?

Teaching A Course In Miracles however is the most challenging thing there is. In order to teach and give it away, I have to be it. Only in my acceptance of it can I be the messenger and bringer of miracles and its healing grace. As Jesus called upon God's name and power, stepping back from his own ideas and limited identity, he truly taught and healed. Contrary to what the world thinks, this simply means that Jesus was true to himself. There can be no separation between God and me. Any self-doubt is doubt of God and His love. There could be no greater confrontation with all my self-doubt than teaching A Course In Miracles.

VenueLast weekend I went with a few brothers from Endeavor Academy to Ohio to teach an Advent of A Great Awakening. (The image shows the venue in the Cuyahoga Valley National Park.) I had no formal teaching responsibility, but was simply part of the support and light team. It is a great and fun thing to do, both for the camaraderie of brothers with a true purpose, but most of all for the act of giving away this priceless message and witnessing to the awakening of someone seemingly separate but me in truth.

How did it go? I think it did go very well. Some people showed up that did not know of A Course In Miracles before, and they were able and determined to stay the whole weekend. They were open enough to let the word and light of this new continuum of time in, and in a new experience be changed by this timeless message.

trucks and the vertical perspectiveFor me personally, it was a great learning experience. I became afraid, largely due to self-doubt, then being unable to reach out and seeing myself totally unable to give. What led to this? I compared myself with others, and stopped trusting in Jesus and the Holy Spirit. How can I think, others have it or do great but I don't? What an absurd and frustrating idea! I would not be able to think that way, unless I have attacked myself first and given meaning to this idea of differences and hierarchy.

The whole weekend was about this idea of trusting not in my own perception and strength of myself, but consistently in Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Once again I thought I had to be and act like others. Yet what others? All I see is my own perception and interpretation of others. That was to what I was reacting. Teaching myself that there are actually other people apart from me removed me further from myself. That was my way of avoiding the fact and confrontation that salvation of the world depends on me. It is quite funny to look back and see all my thoughts being acted out by me, but without me being the thinker and ruler of my mind.

That is why A Course In Miracles in the end is nothing but mind training, looking at thoughts, taking responsibility, and instead of projecting them outward, asking for help, and letting them go to accept a new and brighter association of self that reflects (more) God's idea of me. I am as God created me, whole and perfect, and I as a human being of completely denying my source simply die in this idea.


The magnitude of A Course In Miracles is shown in the idea that I need not concern myself with what I think, but only that I am thinking. I simply need to change my idea of myself, and not what I am thinking. Once I change my idea of who I am, and accept God's idea, I am free. I simply was deluded in my own mind about myself. I took my thoughts seriously. It is never more than that.

The intensity of the light and energy of our gathering brought up my lack of trust and confidence, and this is inevitably part of my transformation. I am glad that I found brothers that know the dynamics of transformation, and can stand with me in whatever I am going through. That helps me learn to stand in my conversion, and I learn that there is nothing to fear. I go through fear to meet my love. I saw very clearly that I will always be afraid, if I look at appearances of other people and fail to look beyond and listen to Jesus and the Holy Spirit; for I cannot forgive without a reference from beyond this world.

Thanks to my brothers and teachers, I learned some basic ideas about listening to Jesus as expressed in Absence from Felicity. It is not a matter of being able, because everyone can and will listen to Jesus. It is a matter of focus, concentration and confidence. Obviously, I have to learn to concentrate. I also have to trust that Jesus will be able to reach or get through to me. That is an interesting idea for me, since it involves confidence in myself and Jesus. And, when I get an idea or message, which could come to me in any form, a feeling of peace of mind, or a certainty about what to do in a particular situation for instance, I then can ask, if that is all to make sure I got the whole message. Essential to me is the idea of an overall trust in Jesus. He knows what he is doing. Trusting in that, I easily am willing to look and be ready for him, and only him. What else would I need? I do not need to accomplish anything. I need no proof of anything. I simply need the truth. The peace of God is shining in me now.

be still

If I look at appearances, I will never find truth. Truth is beyond this world, changeless and eternal as I am, in God's Mind. I learn to listen beyond this world of appearances, and let go of my concerns about what is long since past. I am glad I went to Ohio. Thank you.

Advents in this Great Awakening are offered all over the world for the purpose of sharing and extending a real solution and alternative to the human condition through A Course In Miracles.


Anonymous said...


Great post. i love it. Thank you.

Anita said...

Hey Alban!
I Love's post and the whole blog.

Monica D. said...

Thanks Alban:

I loved this very honest account of your experience. You are a wonderful teacher!

Alban, Teacher of God said...

Thank you guys.
I love you.