I am glad. I did it. I exposed myself and asked for help. It worked, although it did not seem to go this way at the beginning. The change occurred after I had a moment for myself, and, suspending judgment, it dawned upon me that all I can do is to love, to seek out for my love of my brother, of you, of everyone, and to give it away. It was very simple, as it is said in Corinthians, "If ye have not love, ye are nothing..."
As the holy Son of God I not only have the capacity to love, but have no choice in it. Fear - the absence of love - is not real. I have to love, for that is what I am. That is what God is, and what everything is. Yet it takes willingness, it takes the determination of "above all else". I need to want it. Without my active focusing on love, and on giving love, nothing can happen. To solve a problem, I need to go in the right direction.
So here is this amazing lesson 191 of the Workbook of A Course In Miracles:
"I am the holy Son of God Himself."
"Here is your declaration of release from bondage of the world. And here as well is all the world released. You do not see what you have done by giving to the world the role of jailer to the Son of God. What could it be but vicious and afraid, fearful of shadows, punitive and wild, lacking all reason, blind, insane with hate?"
In my insanity I definitely do not see what I have done. I am blinded by my own projection and giving meaning to whatever I see and think. In that it becomes my reality. Yet when I see that I have given whatever situation the role of jailer to myself, that is to the Son of God, the way to undo this decision is open.
"What have you done that this should be your world? What have you done that this is what you see? Deny your own Identity, and this is what remains. You look on chaos and proclaim it is yourself. There is no sight that fails to witness this to you. There is no sound that does not speak of frailty within you and without; no breath you draw that does not seem to bring you nearer death; no hope you hold but will dissolve in tears.
Deny your own Identity, and you will not escape the madness which induced this weird, unnatural and ghostly thought that mocks creation and that laughs at God. Deny your own Identity, and you assail the universe alone, without a friend, a tiny particle of dust against the legions of your enemies. Deny your own Identity, and look on evil, sin and death, and watch despair snatch from your fingers every scrap of hope, leaving you nothing but the wish to die."
That is exactly what I have done, what I have done to myself. I have denied my own Identity. Therefore I need to remember who I really am. My denial caused me to forget the only thing I can know and be, and left me literally alone in all the universe, split off from everyone and everything through my own judgment. And it takes great discipline not to allow judgment to go unchallenged in my mind, and to be used as a weapon against the miracle that I am given in each and every moment. The result is fairly obvious.
"Yet what is it except a game you play in which identity can be denied? You are as God created you. All else but this one thing is folly to believe. In this one thought is everyone set free. In this one truth are all illusions gone. In this one fact is sinlessness proclaimed to be forever part of everything, the central core of its existence and its guarantee of immortality."
I live either in the truth of what God is and what He gave me, or I am dreaming, playing the game of death. To believe in my own self-existence is folly; it is the arrogance of my thinking that I could change what God created. I let this thought sink into my mind and be given to myself. Does it really mean what it says? Yes, it does.
But let today's idea find a place among your thoughts and you have risen far above the world, and all the worldly thoughts that hold it prisoner. And from this place of safety and escape you will return and set it free. For he who can accept his true Identity is truly saved. And his salvation is the gift he gives to everyone, in gratitude to Him Who pointed out the way to happiness that changed his whole perspective of the world.
One holy thought like this and you are free: You are the holy Son of God Himself. And with this holy thought you learn as well that you have freed the world. You have no need to use it cruelly, and then perceive this savage need in it. You set it free of your imprisonment. You will not see a devastating image of yourself walking the world in terror, with the world twisting in agony because your fears have laid the mark of death upon its heart.
Be glad today how very easily is hell undone. You need but tell yourself:
I am the holy Son of God Himself.
I cannot suffer, cannot be in pain;
I cannot suffer loss, nor fail to do all that salvation asks.
And in that thought is everything you look on wholly changed.
What could be asked of me, except to accept who I am. How could I be what I am not? I simply cannot not be who I really am. That is what is called Atonement in the Course. Note that it is at-one-ment. That is salvation, and everyones salvation.
"A miracle has lighted up all dark and ancient caverns, where the rites of death echoed since time began. For time has lost its hold upon the world. The Son of God has come in glory to redeem the lost, to save the helpless, and to give the world the gift of his forgiveness. Who could see the world as dark and sinful, when God's Son has come again at last to set it free?You who perceive yourself as weak and frail, with futile hopes and devastated dreams, born but to die, to weep and suffer pain, hear this: All power is given unto you in earth and Heaven. There is nothing that you cannot do. You play the game of death, of being helpless, pitifully tied to dissolution in a world which shows no mercy to you. Yet when you accord it mercy, will its mercy shine on you."
I need a miracle to see this is so, and to see that I am who I really am. All power is given me, and I cannot not use this power in each and every moment, and experience the result of my action. In my giving is my salvation, because I can only give to myself. Giving then means that I receive what I give. When I forgive, when I give mercy, I will receive that, and be able to extend that to all those I saw as enemies before.
"Then let the Son of God awaken from his sleep, and opening his holy eyes, return again to bless the world he made. In error it began, but it will end in the reflection of his holiness. And he will sleep no more and dream of death. Then join with me today. Your glory is the light that saves the world. Do not withhold salvation longer. Look about the world, and see the suffering there. Is not your heart willing to bring your weary brothers rest?"Do I want to let the Son of God awaken from his sleep, awaken from the hell I made in error? Yes, I do. It's a miracle. The past is over and gone.
"They must await your own release. They stay in chains till you are free. They cannot see the mercy of the world until you find it in yourself. They suffer pain until you have denied its hold on you. They die till you accept your own eternal life. You are the holy Son of God Himself. Remember this, and all the world is free. Remember this, and earth and Heaven are one." (Jesus in A Course In Miracles, Lesson 191)That is tough stuff. Everyone suffers, because I cause them to suffer. It is me dreaming this world. Help me, my heavenly Father. Thank you. Thank you for my brother and neighbor. I cannot be Christ alone. Christ is incomplete without you, without me.
Thank you for staying with me. I love this Course.