Often it is something very little that upsets you and robs you your peace of mind. The longer you let it go on, the longer you deprive yourself of joy and happiness.
I found myself in this situation feeling being attacked and challenged to change. I defended myself against it, and lost it. One thing seems to be difficult for me: My girlfriend trying to change me. And boy, how often am I doing that! And it is all me doing it. I am doing it to myself. I yelled back, "Why are you accusing me? What is your point?" I stopped, maybe waiting for an answer, checking what would happen, but nothing. No reaction. It silenced me, and I could not express anything further. I fellt cut off. It took a while till I realized and admited to myself how pissed I was. I was asking for help, of course, but the mind is slippery, I went back over and over again to justify myself in my upset, trying to solve it on my own terms, which mostly would mean to break up. I needed a miracle.
Grievances hide the light in me, hide the light from me that lets me give myself to others. It takes balls to stand in it and not shut down, not withdraw into your own little fantasy, but stay open and reach out to the other to let it be resolved by not excluding the other. It takes trust in the other and courage. Yet with willingness and trust, anything can and does change in an instant.
Jesus did not allow himself to hold grievances against his attackers. He knew that his salvation and mission depended on everyone else being not excluded from what He was seeking to accomplish. "God forgive them, for they do not know what it is they do." This does not even distinguish between the kind of offense. It simply asks for forgiveness.
When I change my mind, all I then can say is, I still love you. And how often do I have to change my mind? As long as I remember the offense, for I want to be completely free. Forgiveness is for myself. It is the only way to get rid of my grievances.
"Forgiveness is this world's equivalent of Heaven's justice. It translates the world of sin into a simple world, where justice can be reflected from beyond the gate behind which total lack of limits lies. Nothing in boundless love could need forgiveness. And what is charity within the world gives way to simple justice past the gate that opens into Heaven. No one forgives unless he has believed in sin, and still believes that he has much to be forgiven. Forgiveness thus becomes the means by which he learns he has done nothing to forgive. Forgiveness always rests upon the one who offers it, until he sees himself as needing it no more. And thus is he returned to his real function of creating, which his forgiveness offers him again.
Forgiveness turns the world of sin into a world of glory, wonderful to see. Each flower shines in light, and every bird sings of the joy of Heaven. There is no sadness and there is no parting here, for everything is totally forgiven. And what has been forgiven must join, for nothing stands between to keep them separate and apart. The sinless must perceive that they are one, for nothing stands between to push the other off. And in the space that sin left vacant do they join as one, in gladness recognizing what is part of them has not been kept apart and separate."(A Course In Miracles, Chapter 26, Where Sin Has Left)
"I am mistaken when I think I can be hurt in
any way. I am God's Son, whose Self rests
safely in the Mind of God.
I will forgive all things today, that I may
learn how to accept the truth in me, and come to
recognize my sinlessness." (Lesson 119 from A Course In Miracles)
Forgiveness truly is the key to happiness. It's a miracle. Thank you.